Stress Eaters Anonymous

Directly next to my desk, beside the drawer bursting with Dr. Seuss stickers, thank you notes, and ink pads, lies my top-secret stash.

Stash of snacks and other sugar-refined goods, that is.

However, since it’s my first year of teaching, stress and roller coaster emotions have forced me to eat through the entire drawer of goodies.  You see, anytime I’ve not wanted to deal with something (grading, planning, or eek! confrontation), I’ll conveniently grab a mini-Twix, take a deep breath, and everything becomes okay.

So yesterday, when one of my little babes was complaining that he had eaten “only one waffle!” for breakfast, I plunged into the abyss of empty candy wrappers. To my surprise, I pulled out one of my few remaining Clif Bars, Maple Nut, to be exact.

Begrudgingly handing over the last of my precious rations,  I watched as my student slowly unwrapped my beloved bar with greedy, Gollum-like eyes.

I continued to peruse the room, checking in with my students for the morning, when moments later, I noticed the starving one’s Clif Bar had magically disappeared.

Feeling my eyes on him, my student declared, “OH, Miss B, I ate it really fast!  Told ya I was hungry!”, I marched over to the trashcan, to see it lying on top, hardly a bite even missing.  My teacher glare cast his way, he snipped, “What?!  It was gross!”

Sigh.  One Clif Bar down.  Only one more to go.

I need a mini-Twix, stat.

 Details:: floral print dress {Target}; riding leggings {Kohl’s};  pleather bomber {Target}; tan boots {thrifted vintage}; owl earrings {gift}; white watch {Kohl’s}

“I’m not pregnant!”

A few months back, I told my students I had a surprise for them.  To my shock and dismay, one of them piped up, “Miss B, you’re pregnant?!”.  The first time it happened, I was borderline insulted.  I immediately scanned my stomach, searching for signs of fetal life.  But alas, my students were just being silly.

Or so I thought.

You see, it seems as though darn near every time I tell my students I have a surprise, one of them shouts out, “You’re pregnant, aren’t you!! I KNEW it!!”.

So, I’ve decided before I become truly pregnant some day (very far away), I’m sporting all the high-waisted pants I possibly can.

Besides, don’t they know I have to be married to get pregnant?  Silly kids…

Details:: striped top {Target}; denim high-waisted pants {F21};  red suede wedges {Target}; pearl drop earrings {gift}; rings {gifts}; vintage wooden bracelets {gift from gran}

Blaque Friday

How was your Thanksgiving?

Mine was pretty dang near perfect. It involved about 17 of these, some face time with my adorably precious pseudo nieces and nephews, and a small helping of Black Friday.

Speaking of the biggest shopping day of the year, I still can’t decide which part was my favorite.

Was is the 4’9″ granny telling off the cops at Target?

Maybe the Macy’s customer before me trying to use 73 different coupons?

Naw, it was definitely coming home to a plate full of bacon brown sugar biscuits.

Vegetarian, smegitarian.  It’s the holidays!

Details:: striped top {F21}; denim cutoffs {F21}; black tights {Kohl’s};  vintage boots {Thrifted}; sunglasses {Icing}

What doesn’t kill you, makes you a teacher

It was June 2010.

My first true love had just broken up with me and left me deserted in the deepest pit of hopelessness and despair.

Sigh.  

My family tried, in vain, their best to cheer me.  But my job was sucking the life right out of me.  And my program at school?  Don’t even get me started!

So, I did what anyone in the midst of a 1/5 life crisis would do!  I toured a culinary arts school.

Walking through stainless steel kitchens, I caressed chef whites, imagined myself whipping up crème anglaise with my classmates, or dicing up geometrically perfect cubes of onion.  After leaping through 17 1/2 different hoops and sitting through countless spiels, I was prepared to sign on the line and enroll on the spot.

There was just, like, 10 catches.  

My years spent getting an education about education would prove to be a waste.  Countless thousands blown on my personal improvement was flushed down the toilet of academia.  I would have to start $60,000 fresh and embark on an entirely new journey.

By this point, I was more than okay with this.  If making an enormous life change meant leaving the hurt and disappointment of a lost love behind, I was willing to do just about whatever it took.

But, somehow, somewhere, deep inside my being, I knew something didn’t fit.  The walls of the culinary school?  They were too stark.  And the kitchen?  It was too clean.  Not to mention the $200 chef’s whites!  What a rip off.

I left that day knowing I would have to suck it up and finish my education.  I would student teach and try my best to help kids.

17 months later, I made the best decision I could have ever made.  No only am I a teacher.  Oh man, that’s just the tip of the ice berg!  I’m a rapper, actor, magician, and entertainer all in one.  And occasionally, when they get really lucky, I can be their personal chef, too.

So yeah, I made the best decision for me I could have made.  Besides, what chef gets away with wearing heels daily?

Details:: striped dress {F21}; rust sweater {Old Navy}; turquoise tights {Kohl’s};  gold heels {Aldo}; white watch {Kohl’s}; necklace {vintage; gift from gran}; belt {gift} 

Everybody’s coughing for the weekend

Apparently everyone in my grade level right now is suffering with the cold from Hades.

I was going to refer to it as “the bubonic plague”, until I Googled bubonic plague and got entirely grossed out.  Google at your own risk, people!

Let’s just say, getting up and looking presentable this week has been a bit of a challenge.  I’ve had to reach out to all 19 of my faithful Facebook friends to gather their secrets and tricks for looking well-rested and awake, when you feel like death incarnate.  Hallelujah for cold spoons in the freezer, Clinique under-eye cream, and extra-strength Tylenol!

Despite appearances, I pulled together two outfits in one on Friday, told you about my googly eyed neighbor, and rocked some seriously flat hair.

I’m all about faking it until you make it.  Or at least faking it until you cough for 3 minutes straight in your car and almost crash into the median.

Happy weekend, everybody!

Never a dull moment

Yesterday, we were going over histograms in math.

I can hear you know.  “What the crap is a histogram and why are you talking about them on a fashion blog?”  Sorry I’m not sorry.

Anyway, during the lesson, we were recapping the most important parts of graphing (thrilling, really), and the variety of graphs that exist in the mystifying world of 5th grade of mathematics.

A few kids shouted “BAR GRAPHS!” while others waited patiently and shared pictographs.  An over-achiever whispered “…DOUBLE line graphs!” and yet another reminded me of the misleadingly delicious pie graph.

Craving dessert and getting ready to move on with the lesson, one kiddo in the front row reluctantly raised his hand.  I called on him, and he responded, hesitatingly, “paragraphs…?”.  

I died.

 

P.S.  This is definitely a dress underneath a shirt, and instead worn like a skirt.  Does that make sense?  Probably not.  I’m all about stretching the wardrobe, for free!  Ya dig?  

Details:: red plaid button-up {F21}; dress worn as skirt {Target}; black tights {TJ Maxx};  denim wedges {Payless}; white watch {Kohl’s}; black wisdom bracelet {Kohl’s}; 

Keep on creepin’ on

If I look suspicious in this photo, it’s absolutely for a reason.

In case you can’t tell, my photo site of choice is my backyard.  And you see, when I started this blog, my house had a regular, run of the mill fence.  You know, one of the usual 3 1/2 foot get-ups found in all of suburbia.  About a month ago, however, this measly fence was replaced with a much more macho,  6-foot privacy version.  Even though some of my favorite backdrops from the yard were removed to make way for the new installment (Sigh, I miss you, beautiful backdrop), I’ve much preferred my new found privacy.

That was, until today.

You see, I forget that a girl taking gratuitous photos of herself at 7:30 am in the freezing cold is a little ridiculous.  I mean, it’s just how I roll, paying little thought to what the normal person thinks.  But today, I had some spectators.

And they were watching, no, STARING, at me, as I awkwardly smirked, posed, and frantically hobbled over cobble stones, trying to look halfway decent in time for my self-timer.

I was half tempted to invite them over to join me for a group shot, you know, Awkward Family Photos style.  Or perhaps  even see if they wanted me to whip them up a batch of these over some coffee.  But then I remembered what I’d think about a girl who always takes photos of herself, looking exceedingly awkward and shifty.  I decided to save myself the disappointment of my “friends” shutting their window shades in my face and murmuring under their breath at me.

Good thing I’m my own best friend.

Details:: fish button up {also seen here, thrifted}; golden sweater {NY&C}; jeggings {Target}; golden wedges {Target}; golden metal choker {gift}; double wrap belt {F21}; rings {gifts}; wooden bracelets {vintage; gift from gran}

All the small things

Since I started living on a budget a few months ago, the amount of time and money I spend shopping has been drastically cut.  Don’t get me wrong!  I still window shop regularly and unashamedly drool over things well beyond my budget.

But since I’ve curtailed my spending, I’ve had to get a bit creative with what I already have on hand.  I mean, I can’t wear the same outfits daily; if not for blog content purposes, I have to avoid fashion boredom!

To be honest, though, up until recently I was positively awful at accessorizing.  Not only was I clueless about what earrings went with what, my favorite shoes were a pair of gold flats.  The goldies were worn with everything.  Jeans?  Yes.  Shorts?  Absolutely!  A formal dress?  Perfect match.  At the time, I was doing the best I could with what I had.

But finally, after countless trials and errors, I’ve grown comfortable experimenting with accessories.

You see, the outfit below started out as a simple dress and tights.  But it was missing something.  So, I threw on a skinny, metallic belt to cinch my waist.  Next, since I knew it was nippy out, I forced myself to layer, against my will.  19 sweater changes later, the black and gray was still too depressingly devoid of color, especially compared to my normal ensembles.  I clipped on my ever trusty turquoise fish necklace and greenish seashell earrings.  Four rings later, and voilà!  Done and done.

So, find what works for you.

It’s like growing into your skin as a teenager.  You’ll experiment a lot and probably end up making a fool of yourself at some point, but eventually you’ll come into your own.

Details:: black wrap dress {thrifted}; turquoise sweater {Old Navy}; silver skinny belt {gift};  grew and black tights {TJ Maxx}; fish necklace {F21}; pearlized earrings {F21}; grey suede flats {Target}; rings {gifts}

Nothin’ but the truth

I really, truly, despise layers.  Maybe it’s because my body temperature is about 11 degrees higher than the average human.   But coats, sweaters, hoodies, and all other winter garb send me into a panicky sweat at the thought of donning them.

I’m addicted to hummus.  You see, I’m allergic to all things dairy, and hummus is quite possibly the world’s best cheese replacement.  Skeptical?  Eat it with eggs.  Mix it into rice and/or pasta.  Put it on a spoon.  I don’t even miss dairy…but I do want this, now.  For breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  And I’ll gladly reap the consequences of that terrible decision.

I’m happy being single.  How about we stop worrying about when we’re going to find Mr. Awesome, and start worrying about making our life and ourselves 110% awesome?  This is my mantra.

And finally.

I own 17 pairs of tights.  And counting.  Let’s get real!  Tights are like Spanx’ cuter, more attractive sister.  I tend to get mine on clearance from Kohl’s or TJ Maxx for mere pennies (Like $4).

What are you feeling honest about today?

Details:: striped dress {thrifted}; grey sweater {Kohl’s}; brown belt {F21};  golden yellow tights {TJ Maxx}; heart necklace {Urban Outfitters}; pearlized earrings {F21}; wooden bracelets {gift from gran}; brown leather boots {vintage}

gettin’ nerdy

You know when you forget you had a hobby, and start getting re-obsessed again?  Just me?  Awesome.

Well, about once a year, I remember how much I enjoy reading.  Maybe I spent six years burning myself out by reading educational theories.  Or maybe it’s because I don’t have a great resource to excellent literature recommendations.  Either way, I tend to go on reading sprees for a month at a time, knock out a whole series, and then get back to other hobbies.

This is where Jenna over at Eat, Live, Run comes in.  This chick reads about 17 books a week (slight exaggeration), therefore, she is the connoisseur of all things reading related.   Now, I haven’t read a lot of the books on her blog, because I frankly don’t have the time or the exact same reading interests.

However, the other night, I scribbled down an enormous list of book recommendations from ELR and jaunted to my local library.  After frantically and frustratingly figuring out how to use their horribly designed searching system (I’m probably too dense to use it), I could not find A SINGLE BOOK.  Talk about beyond peeved!  Apparently, all of the rest of the Kansas City metro area also reads ELR and is after the same books I want.

So, needless to say, I went home and put a Kindle directly on my Christmas list.  I may not have a clue what a Kindle actually does, or how to use the dang thing, but I, by god, will not wait for 44 people to read a book.

Details:: Aztec patterned blouse {thrifted}; jeggings {Target}; grey blazer {F21}; gold belt {thrifted};  golden yellow wedges {Target}; owl necklace {F21}